The Emotional Wounds of Leaders

We have heard several reports of high profile leaders who have sexually exploited women. This is in addition to the sexual abuse of children in different denominations, plus the widespread abuse of power domination over people in churches and Christian movements. What is happening? 

The parallel stories of Gideon and Abimelech in Judges 8-9 may shed some light on the effect of childhood rejection and trauma on the exercise of leadership; although we have to be cautious in psycholgising Biblical characters, even in an amatuer as with me, because we simply don't possess the clinical information needed.

We can see signs of the problem, in their different response to the offer of kingship. When Gideon was offered the kingship, he rejected it, saying that God was their king. He preferred to remain a judge. This was different from our present-day juridical model. It was a political office, leading the nation. But rather than any regular system of succession, by inheritance or election, this was a charismatically endowed role, spontaneously thrown up by God, in response to threats to the nation. This rendered Israel totally dependent on God, to come through for them in times of calamity.

We have heard several reports of high profile leaders who have sexually exploited women. This is in addition to the sexual abuse of children in different denominations, plus the widespread abuse of power domination over people in churches and Christian movements. What is happening? The parallel stories of Gideon and Abimelech in Judges 8-9 may shed some light on the effect of childhood rejection and trauma on the exercise of leadership; although we have to be cautious in psycholgising Biblical characters, even in an amatuer as with me, because we simply don't possess the clinical information needed.

We can see signs of the problem, in their different response to the offer of kingship. When Gideon was offered the kingship, he rejected it, saying that God was their king. He preferred to remain a judge. This was different from our present-day juridical model. It was a political office, leading the nation. But rather than any regular system of succession, by inheritance or election, this was a charismatically endowed role, spontaneously thrown up by God, in response to threats to the nation. This rendered Israel totally dependent on God, to come through for them in times of calamity.

Gideon was not faultless. He did ask for a gift, which he made into an ephod. As in the film, The Devil’s Advocate, it is possible for us to successfully resist temptation at the highest level, but then fall at the simplest trap. It wasn’t, of course, Gideon’s fault that, later, his family turned the ephod into an idol, which they worshipped; but his vanity did provide an entrypoint for their later sin. Nevertheless, in contrast to his son, he did resist the temptation of power.

In contast, Abimelech responded eagerly to the offer of leadership, which he then used as an opportunity for violent revenge against members of his own family, and eventually turning on those who had originally elevated him. His feelings of rejection seem to have arisen because of his position in the specific extended family structure at that time. As the son of a slave girl, he was not accepted among the wider family.

A similar case is exhibited in the story of Jephthah, in Judges 11-13. The son of a concubine, he will have experienced similar second-rate status in the family unit. He added to the extreme violence, with the murder of his own daughter, in obedience to a foolishly taken oath; behaviour redolent of Greek tragic myths.

The inner pain of rejection leads to tyrannical behaviour towards others, as compensation for the internal anguish. I knew one pastor, who had been sexually abused as a child. He lorded it over his church, and his leaders, in domineering patterns of control, aided by furious outbursts of anger. He actually achieved a great deal, leading his church into revitalisation and numerical growth. This is frequent among Type A personalities, who are successful in whatever area of work they go into.

But there is a downside, to offset their feelings of inadequacy, they frequently inflict pain on others, in frustration at the inevitable obstacles to imposing their will on an intransigent reality.  Among Type A people, there is a temptation to take every-greater risks, in order to sustain the feeling of excitement. Hence the attraction of sexual=sin, and affairs, which supply this frisson of danger, and discovery. The results however, are disastrous for those who trusted in their leadership, and followed them in a relationship of reflected glory.

It might be thought that those of us who are not Type A personalities should be free of this. But it possible for a Type B to remain satisfied with a small church, for example, which provides a safe arena for the exercise of power. Abuse may also arise from the emotionally stunted over-intellectual doctrinal or liturgical style, where feelings are denied, and often male leadership is promoted, in a manner oddly similar to the charismatic where the spiritually anointed leader enjoys unchallenged authority.

Here, independent churches are particularly vulnerable, especially where the founder remains in post. In contrast, might be expected that denominational churches are less prone to spiritual abuse, because there are policies and procedures in place through which complaints can be made. However, in practice, even established churches can fall victim, wherever a leader becomes supreme. Even where this does not occur, the nature of pastoral work inevitably involves chunks of unsupervised time, where they are free to do whatever.

Even when structures of accountability are instituted, they are only as useful as the leader is honest and open about their problems. Where they decide to omit certain matters from discussion, nothing can be done, unless someone reports it. And here, the fear of the powerful pastor, with the wish to avoid personal scandal can prevent victim survivors from coming forward, especially as leadership teams often draw ranks and defend the supposedly maligned leader.

We need to encourage emotional awareness among pastors. This cannot be guaranteed, but I am aware of many who are completely unaware of their own, and others’, emotional states. It seems to me that every church leader would benefit from psychological therapy, not to address any particular problems, but as a tool of increasing emotional awareness. Even here though, collusion and transference, as well as outright deceit, can make the process useless. Though the skilled therapist may also pay attention to the silences and elisions, to draw forth insights.

The problem then is deeper. Spiritual. It is sin. And here too, we can only go as deeply as the leader is willing to submit to accountability, correction, and openness to the Spirit in sanctification. One danger is what John Sandford called ‘the unconverted heart of the believer’. From our own inner insecurity, we seek to prove ourselves, through our visible performance as pastors. Instead of applying the doctrine of justification to our ministries, we revert to a childish justification by work(s).

That is, we try to justify ourselves, and achieve a sense of self-worth, through how we perform as ministers, rather than receiving it freely from the gracious hand of God. The solution is, of course, not to lie back in laziness. Rather, our ministry activity should flow out of a place of rest, in the acceptance God shows to us as his sons and daughters. Not to achieve acceptance, but to express the peace of acceptance we possess by grace, an acceptance we can communicate to others.

The work of inner transformation, of sanctification, however, is never complete in this life. As Francis Schaeffer wrote, there may substantial healing, but there will only total healing, when we go to be with Christ, and the new creation is finally complete in him. This should make us both hopeful and yet realistic. Open to, and searching for, new levels of mental wholeness in our lies now, but also honest about the distance we still have to travel (Phil. 3.12-14). For we are always, even in our best moments, in process of a gradual transformation (2 Co. 3.18). Here a wise spiritual director can be of help in pointing the way to greater God-centred wholeness in our lives.

The reality is that we always work out of our inner pain. This can be negative, when we are not aware of it, when we have repressed it, hidden deep in our psyche. As Karl Jung said, however, what is repressed will always emerge again, from an unexpected source, and cause damage, to ourselves and others.   

On the positive level, however, as we become more aware and whole, our own hurts may become avenues of healing for others, as we empathise with them,  and pray for God’s work in their lives. Not seeking to use them, as objects, for our sense of self-worth, serving our vision; but releasing them to be active subjects, showing them how they too can access the freedom of the sons and daughters of God, to rise into their own unique callings and positions (Ro. 8.19-21).