Why I carry on

I read some social media posts recently, about how there seems to be a lot of pastors in the US, who are leaving vocational ministry. I don’t know if the same is true for the UK; and in any case, it is largely anecdotal, there doesn’t seem to be any statistical corroboration. But it prompted me to wonder why. Certainly, in Britain too, there is disillusionment among pastors.

In commenting, I'm not setting myself up as superior. I too have suffered from discouragement, disillusion, and depression, frequently during my ministry. I think I’ve not recovered from burn-out for the last ten years. Probably, once a week, I think about leaving it all. But somehow, I’m still here: it reminds of a TV sketch by Rory Bremner in the 1990s, of PM John Major, who despite all the scandals, kept repeating “I’m still here”.

It’s not really to do with me, but God’s provision; though perhaps I am particularly stubborn, obstinate, and bloody-minded. I’m not particularly conscious of God’s sustaining hand, I just conclude it must be there, because I haven’t completely sunk yet. I’ve also reconciled myself to the fact, that my personality type is: ‘miserable git’. Several times, I’ve tried to get out of ministry. But each time, my escape attempt fails, and I end up back again. Perhaps I could even say that God had a hand in it?

Nevertheless, the reasons US pastors may be leaving do not always apply in Britain, or to me personally. The alliance between Right-Wing politics and the evangelical church does not map directly onto British evangelicalism. While there are conservative redoubts in the church, especially in middle class suburban areas, there is also a tradition of Christian Socialism, even amongst evangelicals. Unlike the US, where evangelicals support unrestrained capitalism, in Britain they helped set-up the welfare state and NHS.

Personally, I have been actively committed to anti-racism throughout my ministry, serving among refugees and asylum-seekers, in multi-racial churches. A commitment to justice for the poor, Jesus’ Nazareth Manifesto, led me to work in the inner city for forty years. And I have encouraged, empowered and elevated women leaders in the churches I’ve pastored. However, the global reach of US evangelicalism means that people reject the British version, because of its association with this US model.

The rejection of LGBTQ people, and other sexual minorities, is also cited as a reason why pastors find it hard to maintain their position, in a society which is more accepting of these various lifestyles. It’s hard to work for a cause which is often perceived as intolerant and itself immoral. As a man who experiences Same-sex attraction, this is a struggle I’ve had, and I have been open about this in every church I’ve pastored.

The key for me is to go where the hurt is. So I now run a support group for people who also experience same-sex attraction, under the auspices of True Freedom Trust, while still maintaining a Biblical sexual ethic. In this, we will be deviant from the developing ideological hegemony of western culture. This is uncomfortable. But the polarisation of Progressive and Conservative Christians is a mistake: on some issues we will seem to be one, and on others, we will appear to be the other. However, we do not derive our norms from society, but from revelation. So, where others think we are inconsistent, we are being consistent.

For me, a problem has been the lack of visible results to my preaching, the small scale of the response to the gospel, the way people fall away. This, at times, makes me feel very discouraged. But, we are not told we will be ‘successful’. Instead we are called to be obedient and faithful. We do not pick the times we serve in. It may be that we live in a time of great ‘falling away’, at least in the West. This is a spiritual battle, and while other societies experience material poverty, we experience spiritual poverty.

I, for one, never believed the prophetic promises of ‘revival’, so I was not so disappointed when it failed to materialise. I’ve never been part of a mega-church. My wife says God has protected me from it, because I wouldn’t be able to cope with the pressures; and judging from one I know, which is imploding, she may well be right. Even before the language of ‘post-christendom’ became a popular description of our culture, I recognised the long-term decline of our western culture and the western church. The writings of Francis Schaeffer helped prepare me for this.

Today, the pandemic has added a layer to the difficulties pastors face. It’s been a challenge none of us knew how to navigate, but which most of us have successfully improvised our way through. And yet, our churches are not as before; attendance is low – ours only 30-50% of pre-pandemic levels. We know intellectually this is not our fault. But we realise things will not return to how they were; some people may never return. Because of financial shortages, some congregations may go to the wall. For me, call it stubbornness, this is not the time, however, to abandon the sheep, but to stay and see them through the crisis. Sometimes, just being there is all we can do.

In writing this, I certainly don’t want to judge anyone who does pull out. We are not priests, who undergo an ‘ontological change’, when they receive the apostolic fire, and retain this status for life. We are pastors, and it may be that God’s call on us may change throughout our life. So there is no shame in leaving, and finding God’s next call on us. It is no failure. And, for who knows, maybe I will be joining them; at some point I definitely will, as I’m approaching retirement age.

And yet, there are still signs of blessing. Churches have maintained important social projects serving their locality. Others have received new people, even conversions, during the pandemic – often through direct interventions by God, rather than our initiatives. As we return to gathered worship, there is a palpable sense of God’s presence and engagement with his Spirit, even when we are unable to sing. We are in this battle, and we know that, however hard our section of the frontline, the final victory is assured, and this world will be transformed into the Kingdom of God.

I carry on, because I believe this stuff: Jesus, the Cross, the Resurrection, the Kingdom. Meanwhile, we have to submit ourselves to his sovereignty, take our place, and love the sheep, those lost or already found, feeding them, as Jesus told Peter, with the Word truth, in a world of shifting shadows.

Watch this version of Bob Dylan’s song, “Pressing On” for encouragement, or this video by Bruce Springsteen, which led me back into pastoral ministry.